UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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