I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
