Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
