Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
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