i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
