It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
