After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I died a long time ago.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
