she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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