Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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