"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
