i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
