I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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