i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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