who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
