At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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