He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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