Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
