Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i think i just lost a toe
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
