Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
