I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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