Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
