i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
