he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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