They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
