We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
