Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
