I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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