I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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