Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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