Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
