No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
