You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
