I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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