Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
