ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
