new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
