masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
