I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
