goodnight i made you a song goodbye
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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