id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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