honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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