There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
wow bdsm is so cute
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
