she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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