threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
