Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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