Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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