I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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