you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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