Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
