hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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