Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
