i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
