you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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