just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
